Thursday, July 16, 2009

This week has been hard...

I look back at where I was a year ago. Nine months pregnant, everyday complaining about the heat, my back, my hips, the heat, my bed, the heat... And then I flash forward one year, where now I wish I could go back to that time again. I wish I would have enjoyed it more. I wish that I would have truly appreciated the close connection I had to my baby. I wish I would have known then that I was never going to have that connection again.

But I am lucky, I know this. I got to experience it once, and that is a true blessing. Emme is the greatest thing that has ever happened to us. And I know that our next children will be amazing as well.

But sometimes I get angry. Angry because we had it so easy, just having to get pregnant and give birth to Emme, that's it, pretty simple. But me being me, I of course made it WAY more difficult, screwed it up & now we have to go a different route. One that is not as straight and narrow. Now we have to go through a lot of paperwork, background checks, paperwork, anxious waiting & worrying, some more paperwork, nosy people asking inappropriate questions (and oh yeah, did I mention the paperwork) just to have another child.

I know that it will be SO worth it in the end, and I am so proud of our little family growing in such a beautifully unexpected way. But I just think that now one year later, we are expecting again. I am just as excited as I was then. I am so excited to see our next baby, to feel their tiny little fingers & count their little toes. I can't imagine what they will look like & I can't wait for that moment they are in my arms for the first time. But this time, I don't have the excited "when are you due" or have an excuse to get to bed at 7 pm. I don't have very many women to talk to about my experience, because not many women know what I am going through (I am so thankful for those women I do have the privilege of talking to about adoption). It is hard to happily announce "We are adopting from Ethiopia" and then get asked "why aren't you adopting from the US, why do you have to go to Africa", which makes me want to scream! Or the sympathetic head nod, shoulder pat "well, good for you" makes me feel like I was just awarded the participation ribbon in a school race (this feeling I am very familiar with). We don't get the excitement right away, we get "why are you starting so soon, shouldn't you concentrate on Emme" or "haven't you looked into surrogacy". Why do people feel the need to question our decision? If we announced we were pregnant, I can't imagine anyone asking "have you looked into terminating the pregnancy?" That is what it feels like they are saying when they try to change our mind. I am expecting again, in a slightly different way, but the outcome is the same: a new child is joining our family.

Sorry to be going off, but this week has been a roller coaster of emotions for me. I do have a wonderfully supportive husband that helps me through. He surprised me with this wonderful gift for our anniversary:

This is the sign that tells the world that we are expecting, it's my "belly" so to speak! So, one year later I have my belly again. This time, it hopefully won't affect my back (but I still may need back rubs daily, just in case), and the weight gain will not be as bad!

Just think, one year ago I couldn't imagine what my little girl was going to look like and now I can't imagine life without this little face:

It just makes me wonder what my next baby is going to look like...

Sorry to have gone off on a tangent! It's just been a tiny bit emotional in our household as the first birthday draws near. I don't like to regret anything, but sometimes I wish I could have enjoyed my pregnancy more. That may have been hard to do in between all the vomiting & heartburn, but I should have given it a shot, right? Anywho, I will leave you all now with a promise that the next blog post will be a little more positive!

Birthday Party Update!

Emme had a wonderful brithday party! She was so excited to have her cousins & friends there to celebrate with her (although I don't think she knows exactly what we were celebrating). I don't have any pictures yet of the actual party (I need to get those from my personal photog... I mean, from my mom). I do have a couple of "after party" pics to share...

Emme passed out at the end of the night. I checked on her a few times & this is how she was positioned every time I checked...

And then this is how excited she was the next morning!!!

More pics to come later!!

Let's Play "Guess Emme's Face"...

Is she angry?
Or is that "bewilderment"?
Or is she just pooping?
You tell me....

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

So thankful...

We are so thankful for ALL of the wonderful help we have received with our Garage Sale Fundraisers! We have met so many amazing people in the Sioux Falls Community that have WONDERFUL stories to share about how adoption has touched their lives. Our two garage sales were such amazing events & I can't wait until we have another one in Brookings!

So the BIGGEST "Thank you" EVER to David, Kathy, Grady, Kathy, Larry, Peggy, Teri, Kari, Nathan, Jill, Nycole, & EVERYONE for all of your donations, assistance & most of all your support! We are truly blessed with the GREATEST family & friends who amaze us everyday!

What have we been up to?!?

I know that is what so many of you are asking! No? Well, I will tell you anyways!!

We have been very busy bees lately in the Guida household. We have had every weekend packed full of activities like weddings (Congrats Kari & Nathan, and Ashley & Beau), adoption fundraisers, and preparing for a very special day. Somebody is having a birthday soon & we are having a grill out in our back yard. Yes, I turn 29 & we thought it would be a great idea to have everyone over.... Just kidding! My birthday doesn't matter now that we have Little Miss demanding ALL of the attention (and trust me, with this little almost toddler, she wants A LOT of attention)! So we have her first birthday party this weekend, and we have been getting our disastrous yard put together again.

The divine Miss Em is doing great though. She is trying to say more words. Like Dada, Mom, K (for Kitty), Mmmm (for moo), Hi comes out sometimes & she shakes her head "No" (I wonder where she heard that word, probably when she tries to pull out the cords from the wall, or she tries to drink out of the dog dish, or she tries to help me take things out of the oven). She has swim lessons now & she doesn't mind the water, unless she has to float on her back. Let's just say that we have lots of scratch marks on our chests from her trying to sit up! Also, baby food is so one month ago with our little MissE. She likes table food, especially pizza. Here is a word of caution... Do NOT expect to have a "peaceful" piece of pizza with little Miss around! She will scream, she will smack her lips, she will just grab your hands and take it from you!!

Let me see if I have any recent pics of our little MissE PiggiE...

Well there, I scrounged up a few for you! These will have to do until her party this weekend, then I am sure we will have more to share!!

On the adoption side of things we don't have any news... Oh wait, I haven't told you yet! We are now OFFICIALLY waiting!! Woo hoo!! So now it's like I am officially "pregnant" with our second child from Ethiopia!! Except that this gestational period is twice as long as it was with Emme, but much less vomiting (which both my knees and Trent's not so good bedside manner are very thankful for, but the company that manufactures "Tums" is slightly disappointed)!

So that is the best I can tell you for now! Hopefully in a few weeks I will be better at posting!!