Wednesday, July 21, 2010

It's now been two years

Since I first saw this face...

I had this picture taped to my bed in ICU. I couldn't fall asleep, because I couldn't believe that this was the baby that I had been waiting 9 months to meet. I was amazed at how much she looked like her Daddy. I was entranced by how beautiful she was. I couldn't believe that it was 12 hours after she was born, and I still had not held her.

The full magnitude of her birth day did not hit me for a few days. I was stuck in this euphoric "I have a BABY, and she is BEAUTIFUL" stage. I remember looking at Trent after learning of what happened when I went back into surgery, and saying "well, it looks like we are going to adopt"! I said it with such joy. I did not realize the grief that was going to go into the adoption. The joy. The tears. The frustration. The amazing friends I was going to meet. The beautiful baby boy that would follow in a few short years.

When I look back at this picture, I remember the joy that enveloped me. Even though I was in ICU, hooked up to tons of machines, and getting pumped full of blood, I was SO happy. Now I look at this picture, and I see the hope of a new Mom and I see the spirit of our family. We may not have had everything go the way we planned, but we came out of a time of struggle with a smile on our faces and a bright future ahead of us.

Now I say this as if I think about this every day. I definitely do not always remember this joy. I get caught up in the frustrations of everyday life, and the delays that I can't control. I get mad at the "it's not fair"-s and the "why not me"-s. But whenever I see my baby girl's smile...

I remember these three things:




And then I breath again, and life is not as bad as I thought it was. Because it COULD be worse, I could have not been here to see this beautiful little girl grow up. So I sit down, grab my girl and we play dolls. Or smell flowers. Or swing. Or read books. Or watch the ants (we especially like to find "Ant Sinny").

Thank you to the divine Miss E., for being such a blessing to our family. For being the lively, fun loving girl that you are. For bringing hope into our family during a dark hour, and making us see that life is so much better together as a family. We "wub ya", and we are SO proud of the beautiful little girl you are.


1 comment:

  1. Beautiful Katie!!! You are an amazing woman!!