Tuesday, June 22, 2010

I'm not sure if you know this...

but I am an expectant mother. Now I may not look like your typical "expectant" mother. I have no big belly (well, at least it is going down some), my breathing is pretty good (unless I am attempting to run), and I can get out of bed just fine (physically I can get out of bed, mentally though I sleep in everyday for a few hours).

However, I have much of the same side effects as I had when I was pregnant with Emme. I am extremely emotional, I get very irritated when people try to tell me how to raise my family (or tell me every horror adoption story that they know), I can't sleep (but luckily I can take Tylenol pm or have a beer), and I worry.

I worry about how my baby is growing, I worry if I can handle this new child, I worry that I am missing something, I worry about our house, I worry about our finances, I worry about the future, I worry about the past, I worry about sharing my time with two children, I worry about Emme feeling left out, I worry about Baby E feeling left out, I worry about my relationship with Trent, I worry about the extra layer of dust that seems to be growing in my house (how in the world am I going to get rid of it)....

I am just your typical new, expectant mother... My experience is the exact same as anyone else that is bringing a new child into their home. My pants may not need elastic (I wish), my stretch marks may not grow (let's hope not), and my delivery room is not in a hospital, but in an airport. My new baby has grown not in my body, but in my heart.

So please remember that my experience is no different than any other expectant mother. I do not have it any easier than a pregnant woman. Just because my body isn't changing, it doesn't mean my life isn't changing just as much. And please be sensitive with your comments to me. I know that there are plenty of babies in the US that need homes, but our family made a decision that is right for our family. We also know how expensive the process is, but Emme cost us $60,000 bringing her into our family; we were just lucky enough to have insurance to cover it. Our next child is half the cost, so we think we are getting a good deal :)!!

So if you will excuse me, I am having some cravings... Anyone care to join me for some ice cream and pickles?

Sunday, June 13, 2010

For You Dad

I miss you everyday, and I can't imagine life without you. I know that you are watching over our family as we regain our footing here on earth and venture out into reality without you. Feel free to nudge us in the right direction if we are looking lost, because we don't exactly know what to do without you.

During this time of grief, we are clinging to our family's story. A story where you will always be at the forefront. The times I remember with you range from warm and cozy memories, to adventurous tales, to times I don't always want to remember. But no matter the memory, the journey you led me on made me exactly who I am today. Because of you I have learned to have strength in times of adversity, perseverance in times of humility, and humor in times of sorrow. Thank you for these amazing lessons, we have needed these skills now more than ever.

And thank you for being a husband that could make Mom laugh, a Dad that would be there as soon as we needed something, and a Grandpa that would ALWAYS be there to dunk cookies with his grandkids. We have said it before, and we say it again...

We love you,
We miss you,
You are in our hearts forever!

Happy Birthday Dad

Today we are celebrating my Dad's life, because on this day 60 years ago the earth was blessed with one special guy...