Monday, January 10, 2011

I'm not a good person...

I'm not a good person just because I have adopted a child. I'm not a pillar of the community, and you should NOT look to me for inspiration in your life. I'm just a Mom, standing in front of her son, asking him to love her... Okay that might sound like Notting Hill, but I really do look to Julia Roberts for inspiration in most of my life.

All kidding aside, I get tired of everyone telling me how good I am. The last thing I feel when I am still in pajamas at 11:00 am, with boogers smeared on my shirt, a milk soaked sock on & the beautiful aroma of dirty diapers lingering in the air, is like a good person. Now you can say stuff about how absolutely gorgeous I am, or how seemingly organized I am (especially when I'm standing in the WalMart parking lot frantically searching for my keys, that are actually in my coat pocket), or you can tell me that I have never looked more tired happy...

But PLEASE don't tell me that I should be commended for adopting. I just wanted to be a Mom. No one commends me on parenting Miss E, who at times can be WAY more demanding than Little Leo! This is probably the most common comment we get when we are in public, and it has really surprised me how much we hear it. Currently, the comments go in one ear and out the other.

But I worry about when Leo is older, and he understands what is being said. I don't want him to feel that he owes us anything for parenting him. We are the ones who brought him into this family, it wasn't his decision. So he should not be thanking us for the decision we made. He will most likely deal with a lot of grief. Some grief I don't know if I can begin to comprehend. Because I know my birth family, I was never removed from my birth culture, and I never lost close ties to people that loved me at an early age. And just because he was an infant when he lost these things, doesn't mean that he will not grieve the loss at some point. Just today I was playing a children's cd that we bought in Ethiopia. Once the music started Leo stared at the stereo, and clung to me. It brought tears to my eyes that he seemed so scared and clingy when listening to this music from his birth country.

So yes, I get a little annoyed when people try to tell me that I am savior to this child. Because I sure don't feel like one when I see him scared like that, or when I think of the loss this little boy had to go through at such a young age. Because in fact WE are the lucky ones, he is the one who saved this Momma from going crazy with want for a little baby boy. We are so lucky to have this amazing little man in our lives, and I hope I can repay him someday for all of the joy he has brought into our lives.


  1. You just brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for posting this Julia Roberts ;)))
    I just think the world of you and your family and think you all deserve each other.
    Greetings from Indiana
    John, Ana and Marina

  2. I need to add you to my blog list... great piece...

  3. You know, I totally get this. People used to say the same thing us when we fostered. I never felt like being a foster parent made me a super wonderful person. I just felt like it was something I WANTED to do and was capable of. I think that for the most part, we all do what we can, and most of it goes unnoticed. I fell in love with those kids and am, to this day, grateful they were in my life. I feel like they taught me a lot more than I taught them and I'm thankful to them for that.

    I think you are a good person Katie, but not necessarily because you adopted. I think you are a good person, because you are a good person.


  4. Hi Katie, What a great post. Very well said. Miss you!