This week marked my first week back to part time. Oh, I missed my babies! The past three months have been tough on all of us. We struggled as a family, and I struggled with a lot of things on a personal level.
One of the positive challenges I had was participating in a "friendly" round of Biggest Loser (oh my aunt can be super nast... lovely! She can be LOVELY). I have struggled with my weight since Emme was born, and then once Leo came home I gained some baby weight back again. My Aunt lead us through a tough 11 week competition. I was challenged every week physically, and I never knew if I was going to complete the challenges. But I am proud to say that I was the Biggest Loser with a total weight loss of 20 pounds in 11 weeks. It was hard, but it was also a great stress reliever for me! And because of this competition I have completed my first 5k, and I am training for my second coming up in a few weeks. Now to some a 5k isn't a big deal. But if you knew about my allergic reaction I generally have to running, a 5k is like an ultra marathon! And the fact that I get in 3-5 runs a week is practically jaw dropping. I'm not at my "goal" weight, but I am at a good activity level that I want to maintain for the years to come.
Our biggest family struggle has been with Little Man. We took some major steps back in the attachment arena, especially between Leo and me. We then realized that I started working full time when he was exceeding the length of time he was in the Care Center (6 months). He was nervous because the last time he lived somewhere for 6 months, he had a pretty drastic move. And at the same time, his main caretaker (me) was gone much more. So as a result, he started REALLY pushing me away (biting and scratching as he was pushing).
Ugh, it was bad. We had lots of crying bouts (both of us), and went round and around with each other. We made contact with an attachment therapist, and we have rebounded much quicker than I thought was possible! The first few weeks he was not responding to the therapy, but then gradually we worked together a little better every day. And now, I have this little Mama's boy. Oh man, the sloppy kisses I have gotten today have been AMAZING! Trent and I have agreed that this is only the first set back we will have in attachment. Leo will go through phases. We can only stay on top of the issue, and work as a family towards a solution.
The attachment issues really took a hit on my confidence with my parenting. I questioned everything I have ever done. With Emme, I never doubted a decision in my parenting. In parenting Leo, I feel like (at times) I am constantly changing my own behavior. I am slightly, oh how can I say... Stubborn?!? So it can be hard to admit defeat and change how I am used to doing something. But the changes have been good for Leo AND myself (and Emme is doing wonderful too)! It's amazing how hindsight is 20/20. I would go through everything again, if it means that I get the huge hugs, and sloppy kisses from my sweet little boy.
Speaking of Trent (just kidding... about Trent being the sweet little boy, not the sloppy kisses). My husband has been a great partner through this all. He listens to my complaining, he takes the kids when I need to run, and he gives me a shoulder to cry on (that shoulder has been pretty wet the last few months). Our family has gone through so many (drastic) changes this past year, and we are still trying to navigate through this new life. We have more changes coming our way, but we are facing our future together as a stronger, happier, more enlightened family of four!